How to See Your Fears
As I open my crust enveloped eyes and stir from my restless sleep I scan around the black foggy room and can barely make out that this isn’t my bedroom. Confused and disorientated I found a wall and followed it, gliding my hand across the surface through the dark, feeling for a light switch. When I felt a bump, pressing down the room exploded into a piercingly bright light.
When my eyes adjusted to my surroundings I found myself standing above a pool of blood and emaciated remains. I stared stone-faced at the sight before me unable to express any emotion. There was no expressible emotion for this.
My chest tightened and I felt my heart in my throat as the realisation hit of what unfolded in this room. I dropped to the crimson floor and began to wail uncontrollably in pure shock.
Owl-eyed I blankly gazed to my feet. There was a cleaver on the blood-soaked floor.
As if riddled with Parkinson’s I reached my violently trembling hand towards the gleaming blade. Once in my hand my mental state began to crack. There was no way that this could possibly be happening it has to be all in my head. I was keeling over in hysterical laughter dead-eyed to everything around me. I glanced down at my hand and smiled.
With one quick swipe of the cleaver my arm was on the floor and I felt a warm wave wash over me. I was consumed by such a sense of nirvana as I was thrust into such a fit of uncontrollable laughter as the room began spinning. My vision was filled with the blurry colourful motion of everything around me. I couldn’t feel myself anymore. I felt as though everything that made me who I was had been ripped out of my very body, the casing that holds my soul here. I couldn’t feel pain and nothing was making sense. I was given no information on how I ended up here or why this was happening I felt lost in a maze of my own creation without giving myself the route out. I sat there for what must have been hours further convincing myself that it is all in my head. My arm still on the floor. How have I not died or did I already die? I felt as though I was being faced with all of my worst nightmares but that I was some other person experiencing them, subjectively put here to cope and to try to come to terms with myself.
A cold breeze caressed my neck and I veer my head towards the source. There was a window open. I clambered towards the frost glazed glass I saw my reflection. I looked completely happy and nothing was amiss, behind my reflection on the other side of the window was the same room I was in but clean and kept. Everything looked perfect, I pulled myself through the window with my remaining hand and shut it behind me and when I turned to look from where I came I saw me but from the perspective of the me I saw from that side.
I had my arm back, there was no blood and I was fine. I couldn’t help but feel I had left something behind, a part of me behind and yet I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.
It took me a second to notice but there was no handle on this window and I couldn’t see beyond it but a reflection of everything around me. I was looking at a mirror.